Guns, knives and ropes

So even though I try to lead people to believe that I'm ahead of the times when it comes to pop culture, I'm actually not. I'm very behind. I'm just ahead of the mainstream. I usually get interested in things about 6 months before it really becomes mainstream. Sometimes, it makes me feel like a trendsetter but most times it just makes me feel lucky. haha

Anyway, this has a point, I swear and I'm coming to it fast...I've only just started watching Showtime's Dexter. It's a show about a serial killer who works for the Miami PD as a Blood Spatter Analyst. From what I can tell, he only kills people that "absolutely deserve it." E.g, a man who just got off scott-free for drinking, driving, and killing a young man. He sees his killings as justified while fulfilling his need and desire to kill.

It's quite an interesting show but there's just one thing that I just don't understand, that I've never understood: how can someone decide who deserves to die?

Killing someone or something else has never made sense to me. I've never wanted to shoot a gun, stab a hunk of flesh or even boil a lobster. Holding guns make me nervous and when I hold large knives, I feel queasy. It just doesn't seem right to me. Something inside me holds me back and causes me to shake all over. I sincerely believe that if I were to sit on a jury, I'd have the most difficult time condemning someone to die by lethal injection no matter what crime they committed. I just can't consciously kill something. I can't decide who deserves to die and who deserves to live.

But what does that mean? Does it mean I have a soul? Or just a conscience? Does that mean that the hundreds upon hundreds of people that have sat on a Texas jury and condemned men and women to death don't?

The irony of it all? I have no problem being pro-choice (which some see as murder) and I have no problem at all killing bugs or insects... I guess if I can't see the emotional turmoil I'm putting the living thing in, I don't care if it lives or dies.

-K