On mornings when I drink too much coffee, I'm so jittery that I want to leap out of my skin. And the vibrations and jostling of the bus don't usually help much. I do my best to calm my nerves before work but it never works. I'm just as shaky when I walk in as I am when....I'm.....standing in a paint mixer...what? From there I can tell what kind of day I'm going to have: one from hell. I do my best to distract myself by making plans for the rest of the afternoon.
I reminded myself that I HAD to look for another job today. My mother made me promise that I would job hunt for half an hour each day... That was four days ago and I have yet to send out a single resume. I hate job hunting; it's full of too much rejection. Who in their right mind looks for a job with eager eyes? "yes! I get to be told 100 times that I'm not wanted! Oh let my joyous strains ring out unto the mountain tops!" ridiculous. Everyone hates that.
I've decided that looking for jobs is particularly hardest for the youngest of the family. In my years of haphazardly reading about birth order and how it affects the mental development of children, I've discovered that the youngest child spends a lot of time begging for attention and acceptance. So naturally, we do not deal with rejection well. It sends us, well me at least, into a dizzying spiral back to our childhood when our older siblings wouldn't let us join in their reindeer games. Instead of hearing, "I'm sorry, sir, you're just not right for this job." I hear, "ha ha ha! You can't play with us!!!" and I want to die.
One of the hardest lessons I've ever learned in my life was that not everyone wants to be my friend. And looking back, I still wonder if I ever really learned that lesson. I can accept that I can't make everyone like me but I feel like I should at least make everyone tolerate me, right? That should be a power that I possess, shouldn't it? And with risk to tooting my own horn, I AM particularly good at making friends. I just know how to make people like me; I've had a lot of practice. Anyway, so when I go on job interviews or call in for a phone interview, I'm nearly certain that I'll be offered the job. It's just getting to that interview that causes all the trouble. In person, I'm bright, friendly, witty, and eager to please. Essentially, I'm a puppy. But on paper I'm a college drop out with sparse work experience and a lot of fluff words. It's practically impossible for me to come across half as well on paper. And trust me, I've sent my resume and cover letter to loads of people trying to get myself to come off better. But it never works. I'm shit on paper and a fucking gold mine in person.
i'm the exact opposite. i look great on paper. i have a degree, some work experience, good references - but i blow it in the interview. i get all nervous and trip over my words and come across as unprepared. that's what stops me from applying for jobs. if i make it to the interview, they obviously think i am somewhat qualified, but in the end they don't like ME. eff that.
ReplyDeletewhat is this business? andrew left his Google account logged in. that was me ;)
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