Texas is the last place anyone would look for a gay guy. In most of the major cities, there might be a dozen decent gay bars and half as many gay clubs. But the funny thing about gay bars in Texas is that they suck. Bad. Like they're the last place a 23 year old would want to go to find someone to take home. They're usually full of men in their 50s, or huge, hairy men that'd rather swallow me whole as a snack than buy me dinner. If they're not one of these two men, they are closeted, married gay men or creepy desperates that don't have the social skills to pick anyone up anyway. No, the clubs are the place to be. Full of beautiful men, dancing, drinking, rubbing sweaty bodies together; a club is the place to find someone to spend the night with. The trouble is, and I'm being completely conceited here, I'm too pretty for bars. But at the same time, I'm too ugly for clubs. So where am I to find a boyfriend? Simple: online.
Well, I say it's simple. It's not at all. First you have to find a website that's the perfect mix of not creepy but still has a variety of men on it. Then you have to build your profile to make you seem like you're at least twice as good as you really are, and then comes the hunt. I've literally sifted through hundreds of profiles. I scrutinize everything they write down and only after they pass my rigorous test do I contact them. And as always, after the first date, I realize what a mistake I've made and completely ignore them. I just don't know what else to do. I don't want to see them again and I don't have the heart to verbally reject them.
I'm a bitch. I'm a wuss. It's fine. These men will bounce back. If they cant, they shouldn't be dating online. Sometimes I can't help but wonder how they see me though. "I went on a date with this guy and we had an okay date but then he never spoke to me again. He sort of just disappeared."
That's me, I guess. The disappearing act.
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