September 26, 2011

Teacher friends

So I have this theory that there are certain friends in your life that are your Teacher Friends. They're the people that you're destined to be friends with so that they can teach you something. Maybe it's how to tie your shoes. Maybe it's to teach you how to love. Who knows? But they're there and they're teaching.

Anyway, so since I was thinking about this. I decided to share with you a few of my teacher friends...

The first one of note came in the form of a short little girl with a crazy last name and huge glasses. We were in love. Well, as in love as two 8 year olds could be. Her name was Trina. (Don't worry, all of these names have been changed.) Trina was an interesting little girl. She didn't have many friends but that didn't seem to bother her. She would just continue to draw little horses in the margins of our text books. She loved horses. And riding bikes. And *Nsync. But most of all, she loved me. She really did. She loved me innocently and without requirement. She didn't care if I loved her back or if I even liked her. And one day she turned to me and said, "You know Kaleb, it's okay that you're different. I'm different too. That's why we're so cool." To this day I don't know why she said that to me. And I'm still not entirely sure what she meant by "different" but I realized that it really WAS okay that I was different. And I loved myself for that. So thanks, Trina, for teaching me the difference.

Another one of my teacher friends has got to be my friend Mitch. Everything about Mitch is huge. He's 6 foot something, a huge personality and a giant heart. He does his best to see the best in everyone and give everyone a fair chance. I've always admired that about him. And I think the day he taught me something was the day that he forgave me for something I once said. I was accidentally mean to him, said something without thinking and really hurt his feelings. But nevertheless, he gave me a second chance.  Mitch taught me that everyone, no matter who they are or what they've done, they deserve a clean slate. Thanks Mitch for teaching me about creating a fair world.

The last one that I'm going to share is my friend Jalell. Jalell is an amazing person. He knows exactly who he is and who he wants to be with for the rest of his life. He's kind, mature and knows how to laugh at life and let things go. Jalell is one of my favorite people on this earth. Recently he taught me how not to be afraid, to go after what I want and REALLY go after it without inhibition or hesitation. He showed me how to fling myself into the universe and not care how long it took me to get there, just as long as I get there eventually. He taught me to be okay with my decisions as long as they were my own. It's because of him that I've really started thinking about my hopes and dreams and forming tangible plans to achieve them. Thank you, Jalell, for teaching me how to dream again.

These are just three of my Teacher Friends. In real life, I have hundreds. I mean, honestly, I have something to learn from each one of my friends. But some stand out more than the others.

September 16, 2011

Marriage

You know, I think I told myself a long time ago that I would never get married. At first it was because I couldn't get married in a church. I thought I needed faith to enter into the ceremony. But as I grew older and lost what little faith I had in God, I decided that getting married in a church wasn't so important to me. But I still didn't want to get married. I couldn't tell you why, I just never thought that it would happen for me and I was okay with just a boyfriend for the rest of my life. But now....now I think I'd feel guilty if I got married.

I mean, if I'm going to get married, I'm going to want my family there. And the only way to make sure that they'd all come, it'd have to be in Texas. Plus, there's just something about getting married in the state I've lived in my entire life. But let's be honest, Texas will surely be one of the last states to legalize gay marriages, if it does it at all. And I'm just not keen on moving to a state just so that I can get married. I feel like I'm cheating the system and I don't want my marriage to begin with me cheating the system.

And then there's my platform. I have this conviction against getting married while there are still states that will not legalize it. I feel like I shouldn't get married until everyone can get married. I know it sounds silly but why is it fair for me to be happy while "my people" feel oppressed and their lifestyles are considered illegal? I know that I probably won't see all 50 states legalize gay marriage in my lifetime (considering it's only legal in 6 states and DC and I'm 23. [Technically California does not allow it but it's awaiting appeal.]) It just, I dunno. It's my tiny protest. I know it doesn't make sense because I'm giving them what they want but I don't know what else to do from my tiny apartment in Houston.

But I dunno. I think about getting married a lot. Especially recently because a lot of my friends are getting engaged. I think if I'm completely honest with myself, I would say that I've been thinking about what my wedding would look like since I was about 13. I've always pictured it in a church. Not because of religion, I just really like the image of the inside of a church. I imagined clean lines with the flower arrangements with either greens or pale purples but not both. I know the song I want to walk down the aisle to (and yes I will be walking down the aisle.) If my fiance also wants to walk down, that's fine. If he wants to walk down with me, that's fine too. But I will be walking down the aisle regardless. I want to write my own vows and I want a friend to officiate. In my fantasy, it's the friend that set us up because I think that'd be a nice sentiment. I'd have a new suit, my father's cologne, cufflinks from my brother and blue socks. S will be by my side as my maid of honor and any of my brothers that want to be there with me will be welcome. I'd want me and my fiance to wear the same suit and all the men wearing the same suit but I'd want it different than what my fiance and I were wearing. The girls could all wear whatever dress they wanted as long as it matched the flowers.

The reception would be classic. In the evening with chicken and beef served. My cake would be lemon with buttercream frosting. I've picked the song I want to dance with my mother to and the song I want to dance with S to. I know exactly what I want my engagement and wedding pictures to look like. I have an idea of what the invitations would be like.....Needless to say, I've thought about it a lot. But that's kind of the sad part about this blog isn't it? I've spent so much of my life imagining my wedding but it might not happen. In all honesty, it'll probably never happen. And I don't know what I would say if I guy got down on one knee and asked me to spend the rest of his life with him...I don't know. I'd be torn. Am I crazy?

September 12, 2011

A little progress

Sooo...I've been practicing and practicing with make up. I've tried different colors, different brands, different styles. And I've come to the conclusion that the eyes are a bitch. Seriously. It's SO difficult to get the eyebrows just right. And there's a delicate balance between drag queen and alien. I'll  show you what I mean.


This is me with relatively pretty drag queen make up on. I know I'm making a weird face and my hair is a mess but let's just try our best to look at the make up, shall we?


This is me as an alien. I know that I'm making an even WORSE face but let's just be honest, it's mostly the make up. And what's sad is this was a legitimate attempt at being pretty. It did not work out. It's the eyes. Always the eyes. It also doesn't help that my fake lashes are coated in mascara and lash glue. This was also the day that I broke down and was depressed because all I want for my life is a drag mother to show me how to do my freaking make up.

But I think I can repeat that first picture and make myself at least kind of pretty....right?





There's more to a dragformation than just the make up. A dress is important. Here's the dress as I got it from a friend of mine. It was an old bridesmaid's dress from...who knows. A funeral probably.


And being the crafty gay I am, here's what it'll look like after I'm done with it.


Of course, there's still a lot of sewing and it needs to be bejeweled. I'm also thinking of adding some fun color. Blue, green, maybe a hot pink. Don't worry girl, it'll be fabulous.

There's also the issue of hair. When taking this picture, I realized I HAD to shave my legs. They are way to hairy to ignore. Not only that but I'm going to need to shave my armpits and.....the area in between. I'll spare you pictures of that.

So yesterday, I decided that it was time to get rid of the hair. I went into the bathroom and got my hair trimmer and started going to town. While shaving I realized two things: 1) my legs are WAY more freckled than I thought and 2) if you go 23 years without shaving your legs and then do it in the bathroom, the bathtub can look like a furry creature. So after shaving my legs ONCE with my hair trimmer, it was time to bust out the razor. And let me tell you, for all you readers who are first time shavers, shaving the backs of your legs is impossible. Legitimately impossible. I tried to impose good shaving habits while shaving my legs (going with the direction the hair grew, using shaving cream, never shaving the same area twice without reapplying shaving cream) but all of these when out the window when I kept finding tiny little strips of stubble on the back of my legs.

Half an hour later, I came out with these.


 OOoooOOO! Ahhhhhh! So silky smooth! But now I have the burden of maintaining them. I don't think it'll be a problem. My roommate has gone MONTHS without shaving and she still passes for a girl. But we'll see. When I have more of my transformation complete, I'll upload more pictures. I should be getting a dress and a wig and shoes soon so I'm almost there! Everyone get excited! Too bad I still need a name though...ugh!

September 4, 2011

Fine. I'll say it.

I've been keeping a secret from people for a while. Sort of just slowly telling people in a sort of "one toe at a time" kind of thing as opposed to "cannon ball into the deep end."

But anyway, I've decided that I want to try drag. I'm not really sure if I'm going to do this professionally or if it's just "yeah maybe I'll do this once in a while" but I want to try it. I've been thinking about being a drag queen for a few months now and I've only been serious about it for a few weeks. So far I've tried to do my own makeup (beat my face, for those not in the know) and it turned out....interestingly. I think the lack of wig really pulls back from it. But I'm pretty broke and finding a nice wig is difficult when you're in the poverty way.

ANYWAY, so yeah. K the drag queen. It's hard...making this decision. For a while, I was kind of embarrassed. I didn't know how people would react.(I still don't know.) But it felt like coming out of the closet all over again. I feel like I have to tell everyone I know about this new chapter in my life and cut out the people who are unwilling to be supportive.

I also feel the need to explain my decision to everyone...if that makes any sense. I need people to understand that I don't want to be a drag queen because I want to BE a woman. I will NEVER want to cut off my penis and replace it with a vagina. It's just not something I want for my life. I want people to still see me as a man. I am a man. And I'd still like to date men who like men. Being a drag queen is like dying my hair blonde. Sure I could change it but why? I like the way it looks and it's fun. So there. I said it. I want to be a drag queen. I am a drag queen......bitches.



Okay so do you want to help me choose  drag name? First, I have to say that I'm in love with all the names that my friends have suggested which is why I'm having such a hard time picking one. I feel like my drag name needs to reflect my drag personality. But what is that? Sex kitten? Silver-tongued she-devil? Innocent but slutty? I'm not really sure. And I'm not really sure how to go about figuring that out. In fact, I'm not really sure about a lot of things. Just kind of flying by the seat of my skirt around here....

Anyway, let's get to the names. I've gotten a lot of help from my friend M, a gay man well versed in gay culture. M suggested Startini as his favorite name. But I'm just always questioning, "Is this right for me?" I mean, I love the name and I do love martini's. And I kind of see myself as a star (cut to me yelling at my roommate, "I AM A CELEBRITY! PEOPLE KNOW WHO I AM!" while drunk at a wedding.)

S, my roommate, suggested Minny Skirt and Tequila Mockingbird. I do love myself a good miniskirt and Tequila Mockingbird plays at my literary side. (Trust. If I could turn Wuthering Heights into a drag name, I'd be all over that shit.)

If I go the sterotypical way (first name = first pet last name = street I grew up on) it'd be DJ Bristol. Which has a fun ring to it but I feel it gives off the wrong vibe. I don't need people asking me to make a remix. Fuck y'all. Do you want to see a man dressed as a woman lip sync for her life or do you want to see a man dressed as a woman punch you in the face because only one of those is happening and I don't hear any music playing.

But anyway. That's my secret. I'm a drag queen with no wig, no dress, no shoes and no name. I've got some make up here though so that's fun....

September 3, 2011

Shamlessly Stolen

So I'll have to admit. This blog post idea is shamelessly ripped from a friend of mine. She, also a blogger, wrote about the days of the week (no, seriously) and that "feeling" that each gives you. You can read all about it here: http://tinyurl.com/3utjm57 

In fact, you should read her entire blog. She's pretty great at it. She used to write about teacher (http://bothsidesofthedesk.blogspot.com/) so go read that too. ANYWAY, the days of the week. Here's how I view my week:

I mean, let's just be honest here, I only work two days a week. Which, in theory, sounds nice. But when you're living on 100 a week, it blows. But alas, that's my provincial life. And what really makes things worse is those two days are Friday and Saturday. So Sunday through Thursday, I'm sitting at home, working for my job that I do from home...and eat....and watch shit TV...and sleep....a lot. So yeah, on Friday nights when everyone else is getting ready to go out, I'm getting ready for bed. Since I have to wake up at 5:00 AM, I try to be asleep by midnight which means going to bed at 10:00 PM. I repeat this same cycle on Saturday night which sucks because it's, again, a night usually set aside for frivolity.

But, like my blogger friend, I've learned to adapt and change my mindset on which days of the week are dedicated to different activities. Sunday nights are my Friday nights. I beg my friends to go out and drink or dance. Mondays are more like my Saturdays. Lounging around not doing a whole lot. Then Monday nights I'm itching to do something fun. By the time Tuesday rolls around, I'm not really what to feel. I don't have to go to work but I've already had my two days off relief from my work "week." It's kind of like...a second Saturday. I'm typically doing laundry, going to the store, cleaning the apartment, or some other chore that I've put off. Wednesday, I'm typically catching up on reading, writing some and filming for my youtube channel. Thursday I'm cleaning myself up from my week off, posting my videos and planning out my days coming.

It's not a very glamorous life. It's not even that interesting, in my opinion. I'm actually kind of regretting this blog post as I write it but alas, here it is. And it's a lot easier to hit "Post" than to delete all of this. But it makes me curious about what other people's weeks are like and if they have a typical work week or if they're more unconventional like mine....Probably the former. No one's as interesting as me...duh.