I Write, You Read

So I've been struggling to write recently and I've discovered that for me, writing comes in waves. I'll go through about a three week period where all I want to do is write and be creative and explode all over the place. And then for about another three weeks, all I'll want to do is read and be silent and observe the world. I can feel myself slipping between these cycles and I'm afraid that my reading cycle is creeping back early this time. I read four Vogue magazines in a day, cover to cover, even the articles no one reads. So I've decided that I'm going to combat this oncoming cycle by rambling on in my writing and forcing something, anything to come out. I will not edit and I will not write entire blog posts and then delete them because I think they're trivial. I will write and throw it to the world because that's what writers do.

I can tell this plan will work. Just by sitting here and writing this post, I am bursting with ideas for more. I've had to start a list just so I can remember it all. This is what artists do: the create because they have to, not because they want to. I can't breathe, can't sleep, can't work unless I've written something that day. I have so many thoughts and so many emotions whizzing through my head that if I didn't allow them to escape, they would continually bounce and terrorize my brain until I did. I am a tea kettle, explosive with steam. I don't live so that I may write, I write so that I may live.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before but I struggle with confidence. I often feel like I'm good at a lot of little things but not great at one thing like everyone else seems to be. And so I often struggle believing that I am a writer. I have to wake up everyday and repeat to myself that today I am a writer and one day I will be an author. There's an enormous difference between the two. Its akin to saying, "I am a singer" and "I am a star." Anyone can be a writer. I'd say that 98% of the world's population are writers. But to be an author means to present language in a way that moves people, changes them and challenges their very thoughts. To be an author, you have to have the ability to enter peoples minds, implant a story and make them believe that it was there all along. And then convince them to share that story with everyone they know, spread it around like warm butter on hot toast.

No, I am not an author. Today I am a writer. But one day, I will be an author.