My Brothers

I need to take some time and discuss my brothers. I'm the youngest of four boys and while it has taught me a great deal of things, having only brothers, I also feel its left me lacking in some areas.

A - A is the eldest. He set the bar when it came to making rules for the kids and paved the way for the rest of us. He's always been a leader and a trouble maker. He taught me how to defend myself. The first time I was ever in a car accident, the minute I got home, I ran into A's arms. I have always felt safe with him and I think I always will. A got married when I was 18. The family flew to the Bahamas and watchedwith tears in our eyes as he said "I do." Since I was months away from leaving for college, giving A over to his new wife was pretty easy for me. I just figured that it was time for our family dynamic to change. And as I stood with my toes in the sand and waited for the photographer to stop taking pictures of me, I thought back to when he left for college and how, then, I wasn't ready for him to leave. I still needed him. I still needed to learn how to think logically when tackling a problem or how to pull someone off me when they're pinning me down. A taught me to pick up a shield and defend myself first...always.

D - D is the second eldest and radically different from A. D is aggressive and unbelievably cunning. While A joined the percussion in the school band, D went out for wrestling and football. D was the one who taught me how to throw a football, swing a bat and how to pee standing up. He taught me that it was possible to be creative and still be the toughest guy in school. He knew how to manipulate my parents from the start. D taught me how to attack as a means of defense. Use your words first, cut them deep and hurt their feelings; strike them only when they strike first or you absolutely have to. Though he never said those words to me, that was his message. Growing up with D was very much a trial by fire. I rarely have a memory of D where we weren't fighting or playing a game where we pretended to fight. It's no surprise that now D is in the military. Him being gone all the time is hard. It's hard on all of us. I know we all worry even when he's stateside. I just can't imagine life without him. D taught me to pick up a sword and use it. My best defense is a good offense. He'd probably rather me pick up a gun but that doesn't really fit into my imagery, does it? 

J - J is the youngest of my older brothers. He is shy and quiet. He has always kept to himself and always preferred to be alone rather than play with others. J was the peacemaker of our family. He always sacrificed himself if it would make his brothers happy. He too joined the percussion and finally found a means of expression. J taught me to be merciful and how to play. J gave me my imagination. He taught me to look at the world and only see what I want it to be. In a sense, J gave me a pair of rose colored glasses that I sometimes still struggle to take off. J taught me what it meant to be independant. He wants to do everything himself to make sure that it is exactly the way he wants it. He taught me not to care what people said or thought and to go after my own dreams and do what I want to do. J taught me to find my imagination and how to run away with it.

So there are my three brothers. They are the three people I always look to first. I seek their approval before anyone else's. They have been my teachers, my friends and my defenders. I can't tell you how many times my brothers protected me from physical attacks in school. I can't express the love I have for them. I owe so much of who I am to them, the least I can do is blog about it.