Questions

I have a lot of questions for people that usually go unanswered. Mostly these questions are for people I ride the bus with. Here's a sampling:

Why are you carrying a bejeweled cane? I understand that you need it to walk but why the jewels? And they're not just regular rhinestones. These are giant princess craft time jewels. Did your daughter get a hold of your cane? Why didn't you stop her?

Ma'am? Ma'am...it IS ma'am isn't it? I was thrown off by your combo- exposed bra strap and full mustache. Anyway, why are you not wearing pants? I see you have some tights on but did you forget that they go under something else or did you forget that something else at home? Or did you spill something on that something else and took it off out of embarrassment? Either way, I just wanted to tell you that it's way more embarrassing that you're not wearing pants.

........ARE YOU WEILDING A SWORD?!?!?!

Um, bus driver...you forgot that old lady in a wheel chair. Like you legit closed the door in her face. What's that? You're an asshole? Oh okay then. Carry on.

I'm sorry. Did you not see me standing here, clinging for dear life as the bus careens down the highway? No, you're right. Your newspaper needs a safer place to rest than I do.

Is it because I'm white? Is that why you asked me for a dollar but ignored the other 15 people riding the bus? Or are my sunglasses just THAT convincing that you thought I was loaded? Let me tell you, there only there so I can give you the bitch eye in private.

And those are just my questions from this afternoon....bus riders are lunatics.