Troglodytic

My city is for the lonely. I have yet to meet a person here that isn't looking for someone: a lover, a friend, an estranged family. Everyone here is searching. And I find myself also searching.

But with all of this searching, none of us seem to find contentment in each other. No one here seems to fit each other right. Like we're all the missing puzzle pieces.

I go through bouts of feeling lonely. The evening is the worst.

It's almost as if the city is an illusion and each of us are trapped in a world where everyone else seems to have found what they're looking for but we are doomed, trapped on our constant hunt for our heart's contentment.

I am lonely among a sea of lonely people. I don't mean to say that I am alone. I'm not. I have a best friend that lives here, another friend that doesn't live too far from me. And another friend of mine that I used to see often as well. But I only get to see my best friend for a maximum of 10 hours a week. (It sounds like a lot but sit down and calculate how many hours you spend with your significant other or your best friend and then compare.) My other friend lives downtown...and I don't have a car. And the friend that I used to see often, moved out of the country and 8 timezones away. My parents are asleep by the time I get home from work and they're at work by the time I wake up in the morning.

Sometimes the loneliness overwhelms me. I'm reminded of a similar time in my life, my freshman year of college. There had been a fight between my friends and I and the group estranged itself from me. I moved dorms and was forced to start all over. It was like changing schools. And it didn't help that when I moved dorms, I was moved into a double room, by myself. A blessing to most, but to someone who CRAVES human interaction, that room was a prison.

Then, I forced myself to find new friends and get out of my room to explore and grow. Here, there it's not so easy. This "dorm" is far too expansive for me to try to explore without a car (something I can't afford right now.) And so here I sit, alone in my room, alone in my bed, alone on the internet.

My city is for the lonely.

-K