Straight guys

One thing I'll never be able to wrap my brain around is why straight guys seem to think that because they are male, every gay man will find them attractive and will come on to them in a very aggressive manner.

Most people will say that it's ignorance. But I can't help but wonder if it's just arrogance mixed with insecurity. Guys that think they're god's gift to women probably think that they're god's gift to gay men as well. And for those that are insecure, they've probably got some sort of repressed feelings. Those I feel the most pity for. I know how hard it is to hide in the closet. And I know how scary it is to finally crack the door and take a step out.

But to those that think that because they're hot, any and all gay guys want them...let me shed some light:

1) You're not my type. The fact that you like pussy automatically makes you "not my type." I like guys that like guys. Not guys that like girls. Liking guys that like girls  doesn't make good business sense...if you know what I mean.

2) The fact that you think of yourself as "totally hot," makes you totally ugly. There is beauty in humility.

3) If I'm nice to you, it's because I feel like you're a cool guy, not because I want to get in your pants. My goal isn't always sex. Sometimes I like to make friends. But because of your paranoia, I don't want to be friends with you any more.

4) I can find you attractive and still not want to do anything sexual with you. I find women attractive and still have no desire to go to bed with them. I like beautiful things, I can't help it. So get over yourself.

5) Sometimes, when I'm really really really REALLY REALLY drunk, I may make advances. Don't take this personally. When I'm that drunk, I'd make advances at a good tree. You're not special and I won't remember in the morning. Just politely remove me from your lap and tell me to go to bed. I'd do the same thing to your girlfriend if she were making passes at me...just sayin.

6) Yes, I'm best friends with your girlfriend. Yes, I've seen her in her underwear (or less) and yes she tells me everything. Here telling me these things is no different than her telling her female best friend. If you're embarrassed about something, take it up with your girlfriend, not me. I didn't tie her down and force her to tell me.
     6.a) Being jealous of me will not make your girlfriend love you more. In fact, it's probably a big turn off. It's best to just try to stay away from the situation and try to ignore it and any feelings it brings up.
     6.b) If you haven't seen your girlfriend in her undies and I have and you're jealous, I want you to think back to that weekend y'all spent at the beach. Swimsuit is the same as a bra and panties. So you've seen just as much as I have.

7) Trust me, I'm handling AT MINIMUM 75% of her crazy. If I didn't exist, there's no way you'd still be with her. If anything, you should be taking notes.

8) Sometimes, I will want to do manly things (e.g. play baseball, watch football, drink beer) and if I invite you to do such things with me, it's your duty as a decent human being to not make fun of me while we are doing so and to pretend that this is completely normal and fun.
     8.a) This is not a two-way street. If you ask me to go shopping with you, I will make fun of your lack of fashion sense and I will tell your girlfriend of all the crazy shit you tried to buy. However, I will help you and I will make you look at least 50% better.


I hope this has been helpful. If you found this helpful, please feel free to forward this post to any and all of your friends.

-K